How to Be Your Own Mom and Finally Get Everything You Need

3 Helpful tips to break the vicious circle of “hating” and neglecting yourself

Practicing Authentic Love

The vicious circle of treating ourselves the way we believe to deserve it

1 Imagine.

How would you want to treat your own child?

Now treat yourself that way.

Step 1/Trigger:

Step 2:

Step 3:

Step 4:

Giving away your child

2 Cozy Mom

  • Cozy Mom wants you to eat well, sleep well and surround yourself with the most sweetest and resourceful people who empower you instead you shutting you down. If you spend time in toxic environments, she gets worried very quickly and seeks conversation.
  • Cozy Mom carefully informs you about reality whenever emotions distort the world around you.
  • Cozy Mom sometimes just lets you cry it out. She makes you feel validated and accepted when you’re a mess.
  • Cozy Mom is a cheerleader in situations that require you to perform. She acts as a stress-reliever and is the right kind of encouraging and optimistic without being annoying or setting unrealistic expectations.
  • Cozy Mom gets upset and angry whenever you put yourself in dangerous or unhealthy situations. She will see risks that you don’t see and will want you to stay safe. Even if chances are low that the worst case happens, it’s not worth risking it. (Because you are wonderful and unique and precious and if anything happened to you, it would be devastating.)
  • Cozy Mom has a set of “rules out of love”, to make this overwhelming life manageable. “Hold hands before crossing a street” might have been one earlier, “no screens after 9pm” might be one now, or: “no more than two cups of coffee a day”, “take breaks every hour while working”, “open a book at least three times a week”, “don’t accidentally agree to appointments you don’t want to attend”.
  • Cozy Mom is willing to put in effort trying to find the exact thing that would support or relieve this human right now.
  • Cozy Mom has the Mom Bag full of material resources that can save the day. She knows what kinds of things to buy and carry along, that help nourish and empower the kid. Earlier, this might have been tranquilizers, diapers, wet wipes, throw-up bags, a set of clothes to change into in case of a pee accident, crayons, emergency animal biscuits. Today, the resources you need in order to care for yourself might have changed (although I still catch myself buying those stupid biscuits!). Think about it — would a more carefully chosen set of clothes make you feel more respected, interesting and creative — or comfortable? What about tech — do your current electronics empower you do exactly what you want to do? Do you carry around a lunch thermos because a warm, self-cooked meal lands best in your tummy? Do your kitchen tools meet your needs? Does your flat? Your bike/car? Would you need more art supplies? Plants? Telescopes? Hiking gear?
    This is not about buying lots of stuff. It’s about selecting and curating exactly the things that you need and that elevate you. Buy those! And maybe, in the next step, you’ll find a couple of things that you actually don’t need. Maybe, while you need a good laptop, you could totally do without a car! Maybe you don’t need more than a couple of decent shirts that you really like, because although it’s a nice thought, you never actually wear those fancy blouses and funky crop tops. After years of accidentally believing that all humans just own jeans, I threw out all of my jeans and am today living happily with only elastic black trousers that don’t strangle my belly when I sit down. (People sometimes call it “style”, but initially it’s just “me not being willing to cooperate with denim”).
    You don’t buy braces for a kid with straight teeth. Similarly, don’t buy tons of home workout equipment, if you actually just enjoy taking walks in the park or tap dancing. Don’t buy products that don’t solve your needs or cravings.
    Otherwise, the Mom Bag will get way too heavy to carry around, and it will be a bad Mom Bag, as it isn’t curated to nourish and empower you.
  • Cozy Mom also carries a mind full of non-material resources to regulate emotions. Before, it might have been like a bed-time song, a silly joke, a clapping game that keeps you happy in boring situations. Maybe you need exactly those things today.
    Maybe you also need someone to talk at you soothingly during anxiety attacks. Maybe you need someone who keeps coming up with new creative ways of showing you you. Someone who can help you understand your unhelpful mental patterns and asks the right questions at the right time.
    You can practice these patient and loving conversations any time you feel uneasy. You can be the biggest mess — your inner Cozy Mom will watch over you and stay grounded.

3 Chaos Interview

Vicious circle, reversed

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